Coffee Slut

I just realized that my icon is still Sonic the Hedgehog!

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 08:46:11 GMT

So an interesting thing happened to me a few days ago, or last week. Or really about two weeks ago, that really got me down and got me questioning things.

Most people have heard the story, but there is a guy that I work with at Target sort of. He is the FritoLay guy, he comes and stocks chips like every other day because apparently Target employees can't. He comes in during the mornings which is when I work, so we talk a lot because we are both always there. Plus we both love the show, Smallville, so we always give each other updates and what we think is going to happen. He's really a cool guy and he is really good looking in my opinion.

A few months ago I learned he is married and has five kids. Bummer, I tought. He's older obviously, about 35. Sort of like a Hollywood crush. You think Brad Pitt is hot (I dont, but you get my point) but you know you'll never date him. I'd never go after somebody who has a family.

This specific day at work it was slow and he was there. We were just chit chating because we were bored and he mentions something about how I would never date him because he doesnt look like Tom Welling.

Of course I tell him that he's a good looking guy, forgetting that most guys are not like girls and don't need to hear that, and forgetting that he probably knows that he's good looking. He follows that by saying something uncomfortable that I won't write here because it needs to be heard to be understood. And I ask him, aren't you married? He proceeds to ask me, Does it bother you that I'm married?

I naturally say no. Why should it bother me? No, of course not. Good for him that he's married and has five kids, five young kids. I assume you get married and that's that. He looked shocked that I wasn't bothered by it. He asked me again, and again I said no, it doesn't.

Then I get it. I ask him, What do you mean? And he repeated the before mentioned phrase that I will not type.

I walked away kind of weirded out. I stumbled to guest service, pulled myself together and walked over to the GSTL. He ask me if I was going to hook up with FritoLay. I said no, obviously. The GSTL proceeds to tell me that he is almost unhappy enough in his marriage that he would sleep with another woman.

WHAT??

Is this something I really need to be aware of? Is this a common thing? Do I need to worry about this when I get married? My god!
I have no idea how to react to this. Technically its sexual harassment, but whatever, im not a prude and I can handle that. But what worries me is the bigger picture. His family. Why do people get married then anyway?

And what would make a married man think that I, of all people, would sleep with him? I'm a pretty homely girl, nothing special, almost goody-goody. And this is a nice guy. He's respectable, at least he seemed to be. Think about all the assholes out there!

Input would be great. This has been on my mind since it happened.

enough...

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 15:58:59 GMT

Gum and I slept over Fred's house last night to watch the dog. It's supposed to be Julie's job, but why do I feel like mom, gum, and me are the only ones caring for this dog. And she's the one getting paid.

I got a huge paycheck this week. Made me happy. A little relieved.

Things are a little rocky. I mean, did anything really get resolved? Was there anything to resolve? I'm just in the middle of feeling lost right now, because I've never been in this situation before. I don't know how to handle it in many ways. I really never thought that I would be here, in this place, because I really thought everything was fine and wonderful. Apparently not everybody is as you think they are.

I've messed up.

I think I'm too mean, maybe, you know, it was my fault, too. And maybe not all my fault, but mostly my fault if I step back and look at it in the long run. Maybe I'm just too much of a stone. Maybe even prude. I think I had something to do with this and making it as bad as it was.

Obviously if I make somebody feel like they need to lie to me, then its my fault.

It makes me angry because I can be mad at somebody, but then miss that somebody, and then when I see them I wont be mad anymore. But all I want to do is just ask them why?

WHY?

Because I just don't understand over something so stupid would anybody risk loosing something that they supposedly love so much. Because now everything is not fine and wonderful in fact it is the complete polar opposite. I am always going to be skeptical now, always a little uneasy. A little wary.

I just do not know what to do. I really don't. And I hope that I can figure this out soon. It just hurts. A lot.

Knowing that the person that I have shared my deepest and darkest secrets, and cried to, and loved, and still love, isn't all that trustworthy. Or is trustworthy, but not as so as I thought before.

I just don't know what to do.

ladidaladida...

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 09:15:38 GMT

No sleepy for Sara.

I need to wake up in less than six hours.

I just wish I could get a good night's sleep for once.

I feel like I am so angry lately. I feel like I've been treating people terribly lately.

I feel like yelling and screaming at everybody lately. Whether or not they deserve it, im not sure. I've just had a very angry day today and I cannot figure out why.

If I could just go off on a tangent right now, im sure I could bring up some valid points, but I don't want to because I'll regret it later.

Things never go according to plan for me. Never.

And I think I've realized some very important things recently. Like, I'm not sure if I want todo linguistics. This is a recent revelation for me because of my recent broding over thigs that happened a long time ago that I just simply cannot get out of me head. Psychology anyone? I'm thinking about majoring in psychology. So that people don't have to feel as alone as I do. . .and so that maybe i could talk to others. . . not keep it from happening. . .but to just help people.

Or maybe become a veterinarian. Maybe?

I don't know.

I feel like I need to get drunk again and then just stay that way so that crappy things aren't on my mind.

Why is this still bothering me? Can somebody tell me why? Please?

Because Im just sick of this always following me around...

I really am...

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things..."

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 12:15:49 GMT

Ugh, work in two and a half hours.

Been up since about 4:50

can't sleep

Only a five and a half hour shift though, so it aint that bad

Watching "In Good Company"

yeah

why hello there

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 10:03:06 GMT

Watching the credits for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Again.

My body refuses to sleep.

I have work in the morning. I just feel terrible.

My head is pounding and my stomach is all messed up and I don't know why.

I just might call out. I'm so sick of Target.

The other day, I had a four hour shift from 9-1. Easy right? I felt like shit the entire time. And I asked to leave twenty minutes early but they wouldn't let me. You see, everybody else that was supposed to come in that morning called out like smart people. Oh, and one girl came in, but then started crying and went home. So it was me, gail, and a couple others until 1, when I left, then I think two more people came in.

I do need to get out of the house.

But it is 5 o' clock in the morning.

If I fell asleep now I'd get less than five hours of sleep.

I just want to hide in my bed for the rest of forever.

Someone's name in the credits is "Gruff Owens"

How awesome is that?

Hey you guys!...guys?..OMIGOD!!!

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 18:50:23 GMT

So I go to go to bed last night after I posted my last entry at about five, five-thirty...

I walk into my room as always, walk over to the ferret bucket of food, grab a handful of the mixture to put in their dish and I always say

"Hey Guys"

And they normally come out of their sack or the hammock and kiss my hand and climb all over me for a couple minutes and then they eat and go back to sleep.

I hear nothing.

Sometimes they don't hear me or it takes them a while to wake up. So I run my fingers along the cage.

Still nothing.

No movements, no noises.

Nothing.

I go to reach in through the side of the cage to shake their sleep sack. And what do I notice? There is no door to open...

The cage door was open!!

So I proceed to turn around and there they are, looking at me, one from on top of a garbage bag full of stuffed animals, and the other halfway under the bed.

They just looked at me so happy, and they didn't mind when I picked them up to put them back. And I was just so shocked that I just threw them back in their cage, not meanly, but just "okay, eat your food, go to sleep." I searched the corners and found lots of little poopies.

I wonder how long they were out for?

Those are my crazy girls.

Scared the crap outta me.

Needless to say, they slept very peacefully last night.

Till tomorrow...

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 08:58:44 GMT

Just thinking tonight.

Thinking about how spending time with Kristen tonight was nice, was fun, was ... happy.
Thinking about how I feel bad for cancelling plans i sort of made with Art tonight...

Wait, technically its tomorrow. Well, its still dark anyway.

Gum succeeded it dying Kristen's hair beautiful! All those who have not seen it, must see it!!
Dyed my hair back to black, but a softer black, and its cool.

Dreading class tommorrow. I need to get up in about two and a half hours.
Dreading talking to my spanish teacher tomorrow, dreading making myself go through this shit again.

Thinking about things, that are just self-pity, and I hate doing that.

Time to study, I need to focus on Spanish right now...

Yay, internet...

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 10:25:44 GMT

Well, I have certainly had an interesting couple of days, I can tell you.

Not in a good way, just so you know.

Basically just stupid girl things, Julie kicking me out of the car, and me screwing up my computer and my life by ever getting a credit card. The computer should be easier to fix though.

I wish I knew what I was doing so I could fix it! All I know is that there's something wrong with a driver and I think I know what I need, but im not sure. Dan! I need your help!! That's nice of me, I haven't talked to Dan in like six months and im asking him for help. I swear im not using you! I just want this to work!!

I was talking to alonso today in the breakroom, and I told him that I wanted to major in spanish (the guy's name is alonso issa, ya can't get much more spanish). So he proceeded to talk to me in spanish and it made me realize how much more i need to learn. I also talked to him about my french class and the crazy monkey, one of the first terms we learned to say in french:

le singe fou

and

el mono loco (spanish)

are two ways to say crazy monkey. I'm sorry, it was funny at target. I suppose anything would be.

I did nothing today. When I got to work i was in such a bad mood that paul the gstl just backed off and let me do whatever, which was nice. and then he gave me some twizlers nibs. I swear I could live off those things. And I hung around guest service taking a guest or two and sorting reshop. Fun stuff.

Art wants to train at Guest Service, interesting.

I really could go on about Target, but nobody really wants to hear about it, except for maybe people who have worked there before...::Cough, cough:: Alison ::cough:: How dare you leave me!

Or kristen. Maybe Art.

Whoa, anyway, time for some sleep.

This is me a little depressed...

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 22:03:49 GMT

I finished my video game this morning and now I don't know what to do. Homework would be a good thing.

Ya see, when I start a video game I get ATTACHED to it. Like Zelda, I wandered around the little islands for weeks just to avoid finishinf the game. And this one happens to be Baten Kiatos, which I've heard mixed things about, but I thought it was cute, if not extremely corny. But now I feel like I have nothing to do.

Anyway, things are good. Trying to find my niche and coming out unsuccessful, but that's alright. I believe I have a while until things NEED to be figured out. At least I'm on a better track than some I know.

I'm writing a lot recently. Not like Julie, like stories, but more poems and thoughts and I think they're okay. I'm relatively proud of what I can come up with.

What a wasted entry, but that's all for now.

Tah-tah.

huh?

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 23:02:13 GMT

WFT, mate?...

http://cgi.ebay.com/A-WELL_W0QQitemZ5661968831

I was thinking about dancing, but...

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 22:42:21 GMT

Ugh, I am so relieved, in a couple of ways, and not in a couple of others.

How often to people say anything worth reading in here?

I'm skipping French because I didn't feel like going. People will probably be mad at me, but at least im not lying and saying that my class was cancelled when it clearly wasn't.

I promise after today I will go to all of my classes. Unless a catastrophe like last semester happens.

I hate my job. No I don't hate it. I love the people I work with, its all those other people...and JD. I mean, why are people so evil? Working at Guest Service will make you a very cold and heartless person. I keep thinking about some of my friends possibly getting a job at the front end at target, but I don't think any of my friends could handle it. Well, most of them. It's just people constantly telling you what to do. Which isn't bad, because then you know what you should be doing and how to do it. But I can't imagine Chris or George (considering he is looking for a new job) getting bossed around by the GSTLs or Execs. I just see them getting very frusterated.

Target is okay for me because I've been working there for a while and the GSTLs know that I know what I'm doing. Cashiering is easy (unless you're working with JD) and that's about it. I really wouldn't recommend any other department to work in other than Food Ave. I love Food Ave. And I hate how I never work over there anymore.

It's just time for a new job. Any suggestions? It must be nice not having to worry about a job or money or how you screwed yourself over with your credit cards or how much you are dreading going to work tomorrow. I know a couple of people who are like that.

But other than JD, Target is like my second home. I know my way around that store like you would not believe. If you need to know where something is, ask me, and if I don't know, than we most likely don't have it. I think we're hiring for a GSTL, I don't think they'd hire me, but I think I would be an okay pick for the job. I know more now than JD knows. Maybe.

Anyway,

Where is Rocky Hill? I just applied for a job there, I know its relatively close, I just don't know what town. I'm thinking East Windsor.

I just need a breather!

Epiphany!!

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 12:31:18 GMT

I have deicded/realized a couple things in the past about twenty sleepless hours.

1)If I were 21 I would be an alcoholic
and
2)I need help

And I'd take a moment to explain myself, but I think you all know me better than to think that I ACTUALLY AM an alcohoic and that I dont need help because I think I'm crazy, but because I think it's time to figure out some things. But basically those two realizations go hand in hand with each other.

Not many of you know that I applied to college. I applied to the university of New Hampshire because they appear to have a good liguistics major/spanish major. I applied insanely late and in fact some of my things aren't even sent to them yet, and I know that the chances are very slim, but I can't help but hope like a maniac that I get accepted because its time to get going with things. I got relatively good grades in college for the first semester. So we shall see.

Rafiki: It is time...

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 17:25:12 GMT

I think I really REALLY want to watch the Lion King.

But I haven't posted in a while and not much has happened except for some stuff concerning me and only me, and some other people, that I don't think anyone REALLY wants to read about.

I applied to college online last night.
Silly Sara,
Thinking she can apply and get everything mailed in less than ten days. Well, maybe.

I just need to get going. And the place looks good. We shall see.

So we're stuck in a hotel room for maybe four days because we have no power in Somers.
Julie just got a job at the Crowne Plaza. Wierd isn't it, convenient.

Speaking of convenient...

nevermind, I am not going to go there. It's just strange that some people don't realize what they're saying.

This entry is all over the place.
And now it is ending.

So...

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 01:48:34 GMT

I just saw robin's mood icon with Aladin and now I have A Whole New World stuck in my head.

Not a bad thing at all.

I did good today as far as the xmas gifts go.

I'm sure all of you who know will agree with me 100% when I say i got the AWESOMEST present for Art. Yeah, Art's getting spoiled for xmas.

And Julie is too, just because the one gift I got her is amazing!

Yay, for completely and totally pointless entries ::round of applause::

Well, back to English hw

I feel so ultra accomplished right now...

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 22:56:05 GMT

Guess what I actually did?

I bet you could never guess.

I actually wrote a poem for the poetry reading tonight at Asnuntuck and I actually think it aint that bad.
This is considering Kristen is still going, but i think i might just read it.

So, yes, Christmas is coming!!! Target was open until 11 last night being a sunday, i can only imagine how slow it was. I remember it last year. I trained at guest service yesterday and it wasn't all that bad at all. It was in fact alright. Time went by ultra fast and i was there with one person for an hour and half who didn't really know what she was doing either. So we were calling the GSTL over about every five minutes. I expected every other guest to be assholes, but most of the time, people just needed to return things they didn't want anymore (obviously) and most were real nice.

So now i am trained on the salesfloor, registers, foodave., and now guest service, all that's left is backroom and plano (which I would never do by the way). And pricing, but i think that goes hand in hand with plano, and overnight, but NOOO!

I got a nice .35 cent raise because i finally got my one year review. Dewey gave it to me over at Food Ave. which gave me an extra ten minutes to my lunch. So now I get paid a whopping $8.60 an hour. And was staying there for a year worth it? I suppose. Where else can I get paid that much and like my job for the most part? And get the hours that I get? Nowhere that comes to my mind.

So I've got some plans, and Im'a put them into action. I suppose everything is going hunky-doory at the moment.

Later, chihuahuas.

Accomplished...

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 15:09:19 GMT

Okay, honestly, what does everyone want for christmas?

Im'a get ya'll something so you'd better tell me what you want.

Or else you're getting something from the one spot at Target.

LET ME KNOW...

AND SOON...

damn prince of egypt stuck in my head...

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 00:07:01 GMT

I really need to get over myself and my self pitty. The end, i am done with it.

Yes, wonderful, wonderful english papers. That's right, paperS. Two in fact, soon to be three, for me anyway. Due in the next couple of weeks. One on ferrets, one on american based foreign charities, and one more on something. Anyone have any ideas?

I've been trying to eat healthy lately (being the past three days) this morning i had a turkey burger. Quite possibly one of the best things you could eat. Ate a small tamali pie for lunch and another turkey burger for dinner. Just trying to get rid of all this junk hanging off me that I don't need. Its really getting to be a lot.

Had a spanish test this morning. Went alright i think. I love my spanish class.

So Julie and Kristen are going to Denny's tonight after class. I'd like to go, they don't even know im here at the school, but i think they just want to talk, which is cool.

And Gum is hanging out with drew tonight.

So, yay for homework.

I feel accomplished because I have one paper almost done already. Time to email it to the teacher...

dance dance flower pajamas!

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 19:16:44 GMT

I feel like I've been pissing everybody off lately. I feel like I'm really behind in everything. I can't start anything.

I also feel like I'm one of the only people not complaining about something. Okay, that wasn't fair to write, i have my fair share of headaches and suck that I complain about. Most people have the right to complain. I feel like I don't.

I think people blow up things in their heads to be much bigger than they really are. I think I make problems for myself in my mind. I think I make too many excuses for everything.

I need to talk to someone who I know won't judge me. Someone who I haven't really talked to before, and someone who might just understand. I can't think of anyone. I feel like no one has gone through what i've gone through. And sometimes I just feel alone, even though I know I have so many people on my side.

I think people mess with too many things that should not be messed with. If you think about it, sometimes, most of the time, its best to just let things float on and see where they end up. Then to just keep it cooped up and trying to figure it out. And trying to fix things. Some things just cannot be fixed. Some things can't just be healed either.

Maybe I need to occupy my mind with something and self pity just happens to be there. After all, you only remember the bad points of your day, rarely the good. I suppose when you're bored you think of only the bad things. That's why I have to keep my mind busy. By reading crazy mind-boggling linguistics books. It takes so much to just make sense of them half the time.

I think some people are assholes and need to get over themselves and think of others ever once in a while. Because people who are so absorbed in their own crap never see the bigger picture and don't realized who they could be hurting. Some people need to know this.

Will they ever though?

I don't think so.

this should be interesting...

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 19:26:37 GMT

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post these instructions on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Anwhere you go, let me go too...

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 15:53:30 GMT

Phantom of the Opera is SO stuck in my head right now. Curse you Art, for renting it.

I shouldn't curse Art because it appears Art is dying, or atleast sounds like it. He better be going to the doctor today.

Julie got hired at Target seasonally again, yay! I have another friend. And she's going to be trained over at Food Ave. Even more yay! So we could be working at the same time and be happy and work like a team, yeah! Apparently i have spent far too much time at Target.

I got so mad at everyone yesterday. It was insanely busy and I am pretty sure that I really pissed off at least three team members. And I feel bad, but I needed them to help me. No, you know what? I don't feel bad, at least for two of the incidents because neither person was doing a damn thing and one was leaving fifteen minutes early for no reason. And I HATE closing Food Ave. on a Sunday because its SO busy. But I got everything done and was actually done early because Catherine came over to help me at the last minute.

Next Sunday I'm working 1-8 or something like that over at food ave, which is just strange! Meredith is closing so, yeah, there will be two people over there all night, and i love meredith, so it shall be fun.

I think that's about it for my very boring and random and rant post.

Later gators!

Guess what?...

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 01:11:29 GMT

Hurray for wonderfully easy french tests

Hurray for my teacher telling me that I'm doing very well

Hurray for nice french teachers (i didn't know they existed)

Hurray for getting a B on my spanish test after not going to the past ten classes

Hurray for wonderfully nice english teachers who are flexible and give you their home email address because they want to keep in contact with you while you work on papers

Hurray for Dunkin Donuts caramel coffee

Hurray for twelve hour shifts at Target

Hurray for frappacinnos (sp?)

Hurray for Art's roast beef sandwiches

Hurray for some other stuff too!

YAY!

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 15:07:53 GMT

:::insert scary ghost immitation:::

Happy Halloween, everybody!!

Did everybody have fun at the party? I hope so. I woulda taken pictures, but i forgot that i actually charged my camera. Oh well.

I think my spanish test went well, i shall see today. In a few minutes actually. I forgot my headphones at home so I can't do my spanish homework and my teacher is mad at me as it is. I should be like, his prodigy student because i know this stuff like the back of my hand.

Why can't school and I just get along?

My hair is really short now, in my opinion anyway, and i got bangs back which makes me happy, just needs some getting used to. I swear I saw my headphones in my backpack last night, must have been a dream or something.

Art got back from playing pretend in the woods last night, but I haven't seen him. I can't wait to hear about how that went. Supposedly he saved the princess, and he died, then he came to the halloween party. Then he left to go and get brought back to life, or something. Interesting stuff. Should be fun to hear about.

Notes about the party:

1) The baby w/ the beard costume was most definetly the best, in my opinion, that won best costume as far as I am concerned.

2) Bruce Wayne was a lame costume, im sorry, but nice quick thinking!

3) I think it's funny how kristen drinks three twisted teas and thus is drunk for five hours, does not make sense to me.

4) Prizes were not handed out, but will be once everyone is together again at some point.

5) Those of you who did not dress up (not including Bruce Wayne) owe me and the sisters 5 bucks, ...cough, cough, Tom, cough, Will...ahem...

6) The cat is not a three toed sloth, but feel free to call the cat whatever you want after she was hiding for three hours and broke up the party for an hour and a half!

Off to espanol!

plans...

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 13:30:06 GMT

Haircut today.

What should I do?

I'm thinking bangs and of getting it angled. But I'm not sure. It would be a lot shorter if I did that.

I got a TON of books yesterday that I ordered from B&N and I can't wait until christmas break when I can read them all. They're all big and boring books on linguistics, but there's one book called "In Other Words" which is really interesting. For me anyway.

El examen de espanol hoy. I think. I hope I do good. It should be cake. its the gustar + infinitive that I'm worried about. the me te le nos les thing.hopefully it'll all be good. That's in about an hour.

word of the day:

duende (dwen-day) - Spanish (adjective)

Originally meaning either 'goblin' or 'imp,' this word was meant to describe things fancifully. Now it is used to describe anything that appears magical, such as a painting a sculpture, even a building.

Wish me luck!

interesting stuff...

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 16:12:31 GMT

You fit in with:
Spiritualism

Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.

80% spiritual.
60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 18:26:59 GMT

I just read that last entry and it sounded kind of selfish.

Art knows he doesn't need to buy me expensive things. I hope. Cause he doesn't. But Of course I don't mind when he does.

That's all I have to say.